Saturday, July 2, 2016

Humor: Dealing with squirrels

Dealing with Squirrels: Why they are not as cute as they pretend to be

Squirrels are such cute, wide-eyed little furry critters. What's not to like about them? They are fascinating as they leap from tree to tree, gracefully racing across utility wires and gleefully prancing across lawns. As you watch them, you might even think to yourself what a wondrous treat it is to be able to view these sociable creatures frolicking around. 

Yeah, right. The fuzzy heartwarming scenario ends right there. Dealing with squirrels isn't always as "cute" as it seems.

Sure squirrels may be cute, even amusing, but in reality those creatures are nothing but audacious and condescending furry little critters. Their secret beneath their adorable guise is that they are evil at heart. They cleverly cloak themselves in an aura of beauty under the pretense of being too cute to resist. At first glance their persona illuminates one of delight, but in reality they are really mischievous little critters who are conscientiously plotting to launch their attack. Don't let the cuteness fool you!

Have you ever really paid close attention to a squirrel's antics? Not just watch them, but truly observe just what it is they do. If not, you should really try it sometime. Upon closer examination of their activities you'll probably notice a few things that escaped your eye before. If you really scrutinize their behaviors, you'll see under that manifestation of beauty is a true streak of wickedness.

As their true motive shines through, you'll see how they defiantly eat your tulips as they try to bloom. You also may as well forget the idea of getting the chance to experience the beautiful explosion of color you had been anticipating all winter because you won't even get a glimpse. Those tulip buds will be eaten by the little stinkers before your flowers even show off a hint of color.

These furry little rodents with bushy tails will also spend the days away digging in your flowerpots and stealing whatever botanical marvels you toiled away planting. Chances are you'll also never get the chance to see these blossoms either because those bulbs will never experience the warmth of the sun. No, instead they'll be dug up before they can even reach the surface of the soil.

Not only do the little rodents attack your lovely flowers and lawns, watch how their beady little eyes light up when they come across a vegetable garden. Imagine spending your weekends diligently planting your vegetables, lovingly covering each seedling with anticipation of eating the fruits of your labors later on in the season. 

Unfortunately, come Monday afternoon you'll probably discover your vegetable garden has been ravaged by the bushy tailed rats. As a parting gift, they'll likely have left you some lovely little holes in the spots your seeds were implanted to give birth. Your poor seeds never even had a chance to see the light of day.
You can also forget that luscious green lawn you've dreamed about all winter because the squirrels will use your turf to dig numerous trenches. Their intent is to use your lawn as a sanctuary to hide their stolen treasures which were pilfered from the gardens toiled by others.

Chances are if you kindly try and shoo them away you'll find they simply look back at you, stand upright and stare you down with the haughtiest smirk you've ever seen! Squirrels are very defiant that way.

You can try to place chicken wire, plant herbs and other vegetation to try and deter them, but forget it. It'll all be for naught. The little critters will maneuver their way around and then look you squarely in the eye with the "neener, neener" look as they boldly make their next move. Some squirrels are even brash enough to drop an acorn on your head or throw one straight at you. Oh yes, those squirrels are plotting little creatures, not only are they clever, they possess a streak of meanness too.

The next time those fuzzy rodents enthrall you with their cute little antics, remember to keep these attributes in mind. In reality squirrels are just suckering you in so they can unleash their true wicked intentions when you're not looking and least expect their attack! Oh heck, some of them are are so bold they'll do it even when you are watching.

But gosh darn it, as evil as they are, they sure are fun to watch. I can't tell you how many times I've fallen under their spell.

(The fellow in the photo pretty much destroyed the bird feeder, but he was funny to watch!)

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