Friday, February 12, 2016

Humor: Men and grocery shopping

Rules to observe when you ask your man to go grocery shopping

"Honey, can you please go to the store and pick up some eggs, milk, cheese, bread, soup mix, carrots, diapers, mayo and..."

Stop right there. Does this scenario sound familiar? If so, you are one of the many women who have not yet realized that verbally rambling off a list of grocery needs to your mate just doesn't work. If this rings familiar, you're making a big mistake. 

This is because most men can only handle a few items for the grocery store without receiving a written list. While women can run into a grocery and instinctively know exactly where each item is and know what it should cost, men just don't seem to have this natural intuition. Women may spend big money on shoes or handbags, but they sure know how not to be overcharged for a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk.

CC0 Image by beeki / Pixabay
There are some cardinal rules to observe when you ask your man to go shopping.

Rule #1 - Make the list: When you ask your mate to go grocery shopping it is imperative you make a written notation for anything more than three items. If you neglect to do this, it is likely you'll be disappointed upon his arrival back home. That is because most of the items you asked him to pick up will be missing. Especially frustrating if you specifically needed one of the items for a recipe you want to make.

Rule #2 - Give explicit directive: So your mate happily takes your list and arrives at the store, now what? As he stands bewildered looking at the numerous aisles wondering where to start, a light bulb goes off. He has an idea to go up and down each aisle so he doesn't miss a thing.

As he attempts to select the items you've requested, he finds he's run into a bit of a dilemma. He thinks to himself, "All those brands! Difference prices! What is the difference between baby carrots and regular carrots? Which diapers should I select? There are five different sizes!"

Most men will do one of two things, if he is in a hurry and just can't wait to get the heck out of dodge, he'll either grab the first item which catches his eye, or if he's are on the more frugal side, he'll carefully analyze and choose what he perceives as the cheapest item. The problem with this is once he's made the executive decision to peruse all the aisles, there's bound to be plenty of impulse buying going on.

Yikes! First off, don't men know we freak out when the wrong brand is purchased? You gasp when you go through the grocery bags "you chose that brand of diapers? What in the world were you thinking!?! You've got to go exchange those!"

Consequently, if our mates come home and has spent too much money, we also react, "you spent how much? That's ridiculous, we don't need a gallon of mayo or a five pound bag of carrots!"

He replies, "Yes dear, but after carefully considering the cost-ratio per ounce, the larger size was the cheaper deal."

Rule #3 - Just go to the store yourself: As you rifle through the bags and begin to put away groceries you see all those extras which were not on the list and are likely to sit on the shelves until they either grow mold or expire. Wouldn't it have made more sense to just do it yourself?

When will we women ever realize it's quicker, cheaper and more efficient to just run to the store ourselves? Is it really all that hard? Every time he goes shopping we vow to do this. The thing is we conveniently forget the next time we run out of milk . . .

"Honey, can you please run to the store and get some milk? While you're there grab some potatoes, bread, spinach, pie . . ."

Then he comes home with potato bread and a spinach quiche. Oh and since you didn't make the list, he forgot the milk.

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