Humor: Missing socks

At some time it has probably happened to all of us. We'll be diligently sorting through our clean laundry only to find a couple of assorted socks are missing their partners. As we fold, we stand over the laundry puzzled in confusion knowing that the pair had gone into the wash together, but somehow got lost along their journey into the dryer.

The missing socks syndrome is an amazing phenomenon. Wash load after load socks go missing until we suddenly find there are dozens of socks missing their mates.

 

Have you seen my missing sock mate?

Some socks disappear permanently. 

But where do they go? Does the "wash monster" eat them for dinner? Did the socks run away? Maybe they are giving us payback because they don't like the way our feet smell? Perhaps it could simply be that our elusive socks are trying to send us a strong message they are unhappy with their current jobs and living arrangements and are demanding change?

Other socks return after a period of disappearance and come back acting as if nothing has happened. Hmmph. Did they simply become bored with their mundane lives and decide to play a game of peek-a-boo for a while to mix it up and make things a little more interesting? What nerve. Especially after we spend so much time worrying about them.

Maybe pairs of socks are like human couples; one storms off after a spat, only to suddenly emerge later to make up and be happily together again. It's also interesting to note those odd matched socks cling together in a pile, but refuse to interact with one another. Perhaps they are secretly wondering where their significant others have gone off to, or maybe it is the fact that many are hesitant to pair themselves with someone new and remain faithful to their missing soul-mate.

I can't help but wonder if those poor socks left behind are fret with anxiety over their missing mates, or if they are in on the game too and carefully guarding the secret of their partner's sneaky whereabouts?

If the abandoned socks are anything like my husband's, they stay alone in a drawer in wistful hope their sock partner returns. This drawer is a place where all the abandoned socks gather together and commiserate over their lost mates.

He also strongly feels that just because one sock is missing, they should never be discarded. His philosophy is that eventually a partner will show up or even if a sock isn't a perfect match, he hopes they'll eventually marry someone with different characteristics. He'll never abandon these socks and purchase new ones. Truly, it is sock loyalty at it's best.

Many socks do reappear over the course of time. Perhaps it is as simple as our missing socks simply love to play an old fashioned game of hide-and-go-seek to break up the routine.

Whatever the reason, we're typically disappointed when socks disappear forever, but happy for those times missing socks do actually return.

Where they go in the meantime though will likely always remain a mystery.

Humor: Do cats really care what you think?

Cats are funny creatures, and their crazy antics are so amusing. These four legged felines can be adorable, funny, affectionate and snobbish all wrapped up in one. It is amazing how these cute fuzzy kitties exhibit emotion. Ever notice how a cat's emotions can range dramatically? They can either turn their snooty nose up in disapproval and then suddenly release a loud purr of content. These furry felines can be loving, angry, timid and demanding all within a matter of minutes.

Growing up we always had cats in the home, and over the years it was fun to watch their fascinating behaviors. Turns out there is one behavior I never saw in a cat. Did you know they get embarrassed? I didn't.

Seriously, have you ever seen a cat illustrate any feeling of shame? I never have. Now dogs, on the other hand, show a pang of guilt if you let them know they've done wrong and will do most anything to get back in your good graces. But not cats. No, they typically remain steadfast in their determination and never show an ounce of humility, guilt or embarrassment.

In my experience, cats are typically above all that nonsense. Obtaining validation and approval typically bores them and they are pretty much oblivious to any havoc they may have caused. Have you ever seen a cat act apologetic? They traditionally do as they please and make no regrets for it.

There are a number of stray cats frequent a family member's house and there have been six long-time mealtime visitors at the stoop each day. However, recently two new additions have been moseying on in during the dinner hour to join in on the dinner fun. The two new critters were unknown to my family member and their background history was mysterious. But she happily feeds them too; offering them food with a little nudge of affection behind the ears and a pat on the head.

A while back my family member went away for a few days and asked a neighbor to come and feed her own indoor cat and to put some food outside for the strays. And sure enough, when he arrived, he happened to notice a few cats hanging around looking a bit hungry. Of course they were. But what the cats hadn't realized was their usual chef and server was out of town.

As customary, there are the "regulars" who arrive to chow down. The cats are all impatiently waiting as Mr. Good Neighbor diligently gives each one a scoop of food and the ceremonial pat on the head. Then, per the recent custom, the two latecomers arrive for their portion of the feast.

As Mr. Good Neighbor goes on down the line, he eventually gets to the late arrivals. They both look up at Mr. Good Neighbor and stop dead in their tracks. If a cat's jaw could drop, it would have struck the ground in shock. Mr. Good Neighbor saw the stunned look on the two kitty faces as his own jaw dropped in astonishment.

If you're like most of us you've probably never seen a cat embarrassed, but these two cats were so mortified at the site of Mr. Good Neighbor they bolted off the deck and into parts unknown. Stray cats aren't usually ones embarrassed to beg and you may be wondering what in the world caused these two to jet off without so much as even a nibble . . .

You see, as the good-natured Mr. Neighbor bent over to offer the two last kitties a place in the buffet line, he realized these were his own two cats who he had fed back at home not less than an hour before.

The two partners in crime never returned during the days my family member was out of town and Mr. Good Neighbor was serving up the meals. Instead they scoped out the joint and returned a day or two after they realized the normal chef had returned to put out the buffet. At this time, the two cats resumed their new routine and arrived fashionably late for dinner.

So, the moral of this story is that while cats may be stuck-up and loving, some do also have a level of mortification. It seems some cats ain't too proud to beg -- but they are embarrassed when they're caught.

Reflections: Life's special moments

Time is seemingly endless. Yet we often do not have enough of it. On the other hand, it is one thing in life that is a constant. The hours, days, weeks and years are a handful of the few things in life which keeps moving forward and never looks back. While each of our individual periods of time on earth are limited, it is a constant that time will continue on with or without us. This is a good reason to make the most of the time we do have.

As individuals, we can reflect on times gone by. Days gone by cannot be repeated, so the only thing we can do is reflect upon, learn from, or simply remember past days. Special moments are times which have meaning and are typically something etched in our minds forever.

Life's special moments may relate to a special person, event or just that, a moment. It could be a smile, a kind word, a loving embrace or a chance meeting. Special moments can be memorialized and attached to a special song, movie or other more tangible presence. Or they could exist solely in our minds as a special defining time.

• Have you ever met someone that passed through your life quickly but had a significant impact?
• Do you reflect on the first time you fell in love or received your first kiss?
• How about your wedding day or the birth of your child?
• The first time you learned how to ride a bike by yourself?
• The day you hit the winning home run in a baseball game?

There are probably an infinite number of memories in the past that reside in your mind, either consciously or subconsciously, and can be remembered as special moments. Treasure these because these are the moments which make up life, and those of which provide hope for the future.

 
While it is true we all sometimes experience bad times, it is often a good idea to take the time to think back and reflect upon life's special moments, both those which have passed and thoughts of those still destined to come.

Going through life in a pattern of negativity that puts too much energy into trivial matters is not only exhausting, it detracts from the things that are most important in life. Live life to the fullest and don't waste time on the things that really don't matter in the long run. Instead focus on life's special moments, both past and present, that make life so, well…special.

A new day begins

Humor: Playing pool

A few years back a friend and I went to a local billiards hall, had a drink and then ventured off hit the tables. Each of us showed an aura of confidence in our abilities to play pool; I know I strutted right up to that pool table with an air of feeling like I knew what I was doing. Hah!

Image credit: Pixabay

After all, I thought to myself, playing pool is something I'd done lots of times when I was younger. Never seemed to have a problem whacking, umm...I mean tapping, the ball and getting it to go in the correct pocket. My cousins and I used to play at Grandma and Grandpa's house all the time, and I have some pretty fond memories of being able to aim and tap that ball in the direction it was supposed to go and right into the pocket.

Boy, my memory of playing pool must have been pretty shoddy because as I bent over with my pool stick, cued and engaged in effectively lining up my shot, I missed the darn thing. Not only did I scuff the table, but I looked at the ball, and out of the corner of my eye I noticed how it possessed a patronizing and knowing look as it gazed back at me. Suddenly the realization hit, that darned thing was onto me! That ball just knew I couldn't play. Then I looked over at my friend, who was undoubtedly quietly giggling to himself, but ever so kindly did not say a word.

Next, my friend goes and taps that smug little ball in the right direction almost making his shot on the first try. Bugger, look at him showing me up! On his second shot the ball jumped right on in.

"Oh sure," I think to myself, "this ball is obviously playing favorites."

As I wait impatiently during several shots, my turn finally arrives.

"Hmmph," I thought to myself, "I'll show them both."

 

Image credit: Pixabay

Mustering up my demeanor to come across as a pool player who possessed all the confidence in the world, I strut back up and attempt my next shot. I get set, aim and fire. And I tapped that little self-righteous ball. To my delight, I didn't miss this time, I hit that ball and hit it good! In my elation, I neglected to look to see which pocket I'd made. Never doubting myself, of course I'd made the shot.

I think to myself, "See, I knew I could play."

Image credit: Pixabay

Suddenly, I hear some commotion and pull myself out of my giddy moment to see what in the world was going on. And then I saw where my ball had gone. Oh, it went all right, bounced clear off the pool table, onto the floor, took a flying bounce and then sailed right onto another table and landed right in the middle of someone else's game.

I managed to pull myself together, walk over, politely apologize, collect that little smug ball. At this time I'm pretty embarrassed and head back to my table. My friend was in hysterics by this time, and even I had to admit it was pretty funny. We managed to finish the game without further incident, but I will never forget that experience. The night was a lot of fun, and the game was too.

Reflecting back, the one thing which would have been a perfect moment was if the ball had made it into one of the other table's pockets...

These days I've retired my pool stick and decided to stick to something I understand far better and possess more skill at - miniature golf; definitely more my speed.

Humor: Being placed on hold

Have you ever been placed on hold for what feels like eternity? I have and I've decided I don't like it. Usually my demeanor includes plenty of patience, but there comes a time when enough is enough and and the well runs dry. In my book, long wait times on holds with businesses creates a severe patience drought. I have worked in customer service and never, in all good conscience, would I ever have placed a customer on hold for perpetuity.

Once I received a rather large bill, which was an anticipated expense, but the invoice arrived stating an amount significantly less than what I was supposed to owe. Wanting to do the ethical thing, I grabbed the phone to call the vendor to inform them of their colossal blunder. I tend to believe in the thought of what goes around comes around, so I figure it's a good idea to pay what I owe rather than try to "cheat" the agency by paying the lower amount they actually noted on the bill.

So…I let my fingers do the walking (yes this was in the days pre-mobile!) and dialed up the vendor. I'm immediately greeted by an overly-friendly automated voice who sounds extremely happy I called. As quickly as the call is answered, after my impersonal yet lovely, greeting I am quickly transferred to another line. This time for my listening pleasure I'm treated to some upbeat cheesy music. As if that wasn't bad enough, the transition to each new song was horrible.

PublicDomainPictures / Pixabay

I thought to myself, "With the outrageous prices they charge, you think if they could at least afford some decent music, and splurge and invest in an automated system which has the capability to smoothly transition from one awful song to the next".

Anyway, I figured if this was my biggest gripe of the day, no big deal.

Eventually, maybe some 20 minutes later, as I paced my kitchen floor, a customer representative gets around to answering the line I'm on. He's pretty useless. First off, he doesn't understand what I'm saying and tries to address another issue, totally unrelated to my current one. It wasn't hard to see this company's customer service reps didn't take notes each time they talked to a customer.

Since he can't understand what the issue is I'm trying to report, he apparently feels the helpful thing to do is create a different problem he can solve. One that no longer existed.

Unfortunately, someone had already beat him to the punch because it was one which I had already explained on the last go around on a previous endless, on-hold telephone call. Buddy, that was last year's issue. The ticket should have been closed by now. Now I have two problems. Great!

After a few minutes of insisting I really don't need the solution he's offering, he says he's going to refer me to the escalation department. Oh joy!

Muttering to myself, "Just what I need, they gotta take a simple error on their part (which actually benefits me) and make it into my problem to sit on hold for eternity."

Nonetheless, I patiently listen to clueless Mr. Customer Service rep, giving him the benefit of doubt. Friendly, but dense, customer service guy warns me it's going to be several minutes.

I ask, "How many is several? Are you talking 10 minutes or 45? I've got a toddler running around I need to tend to."

"Ummm, errrr, 5 minutes," he stammers.

OK, I figure I'll play along.

I get transferred to another line and am immediately am greeted by another cheery automated voice who is also elated I called. After pushing the requested keys on my telephone, I'm given another musical serenade. This time it's 1970s music which sounds like something which would have been offered on the "Loveboat" soundtrack — had one been released (or was there one?)

If the music wasn't bad enough, the looping of songs was even worse. Imagine cheesy bubbly music combined with the hula all in one tune; same three songs over and over. Oh well, at least this line transitions its songs a little better than the last.

Ten minutes pass by and I decide I'll give 'em some slack.

At 15 minutes I figure, "Well I waited this long, they should answer any minute."

At 25 minutes my kitchen floor is beginning to have a definitive worn path where I've been pacing, so I decide to sit down. At 30 minutes I seriously ponder hanging up, but then I debate the logistics with myself, and envision having to call back at another time and go through this process again.

Ultimately, I end up weighing the pros and cons and decide since I already have time invested in this nonsense — I'm in for the long haul. Settling back in my chair to catch up on some reading as I faintly hear my toddler creating all sorts of havoc in the other room with an older sibling.

Eventually, in what seems an eternity has now gone by, a very optimistic representative answers the phone. She immediately understands my issue. She tells me it will take a few days, but not a problem and for me not to pay until it's straightened out. Phew. I won't have collections banging on my door. My conscience could be clear.

My discussion with this woman was all of about 2.5 minutes and problem resolved.

I figured with the amount of time I spent on hold, the hole in my kitchen floor from pacing, and the damage done to my den while I was being entertained by cheesy music, this probably equates to the difference which was not reflected in the bill.

I ponder the fact they should be paying me at this point. Perhaps I should have billed them instead?

Humor: Men and grocery shopping

Rules to observe when you ask your man to go grocery shopping

"Honey, can you please go to the store and pick up some eggs, milk, cheese, bread, soup mix, carrots, diapers, mayo and..."

Stop right there. Does this scenario sound familiar? If so, you are one of the many women who have not yet realized that verbally rambling off a list of grocery needs to your mate just doesn't work. If this rings familiar, you're making a big mistake. 

This is because most men can only handle a few items for the grocery store without receiving a written list. While women can run into a grocery and instinctively know exactly where each item is and know what it should cost, men just don't seem to have this natural intuition. Women may spend big money on shoes or handbags, but they sure know how not to be overcharged for a loaf of bread or a gallon of milk.

CC0 Image by beeki / Pixabay

There are some cardinal rules to observe when you ask your man to go shopping.

Rule #1 - Make the list: When you ask your mate to go grocery shopping it is imperative you make a written notation for anything more than three items. If you neglect to do this, it is likely you'll be disappointed upon his arrival back home. That is because most of the items you asked him to pick up will be missing. Especially frustrating if you specifically needed one of the items for a recipe you want to make.

Rule #2 - Give explicit directive: So your mate happily takes your list and arrives at the store, now what? As he stands bewildered looking at the numerous aisles wondering where to start, a light bulb goes off. He has an idea to go up and down each aisle so he doesn't miss a thing.

As he attempts to select the items you've requested, he finds he's run into a bit of a dilemma. He thinks to himself, "All those brands! Difference prices! What is the difference between baby carrots and regular carrots? Which diapers should I select? There are five different sizes!"

Most men will do one of two things, if he is in a hurry and just can't wait to get the heck out of dodge, he'll either grab the first item which catches his eye, or if he's are on the more frugal side, he'll carefully analyze and choose what he perceives as the cheapest item. The problem with this is once he's made the executive decision to peruse all the aisles, there's bound to be plenty of impulse buying going on.

Yikes! First off, don't men know we freak out when the wrong brand is purchased? You gasp when you go through the grocery bags "you chose that brand of diapers? What in the world were you thinking!?! You've got to go exchange those!"

Consequently, if our mates come home and has spent too much money, we also react, "you spent how much? That's ridiculous, we don't need a gallon of mayo or a five pound bag of carrots!"

He replies, "Yes dear, but after carefully considering the cost-ratio per ounce, the larger size was the cheaper deal."

Rule #3 - Just go to the store yourself: As you rifle through the bags and begin to put away groceries you see all those extras which were not on the list and are likely to sit on the shelves until they either grow mold or expire. Wouldn't it have made more sense to just do it yourself?

When will we women ever realize it's quicker, cheaper and more efficient to just run to the store ourselves? Is it really all that hard? Every time he goes shopping we vow to do this. The thing is we conveniently forget the next time we run out of milk . . .

"Honey, can you please run to the store and get some milk? While you're there grab some potatoes, bread, spinach, pie . . ."

Then he comes home with potato bread and a spinach quiche. Oh and since you didn't make the list, he forgot the milk.

New Year's reflections: Reaching happiness

Today is New Year's Day, a day many people use to reflect on the past and plan for the future, both of which usually are connected to some level of happiness or content. This got me thinking about a piece I'd originally written in 2007 about reaching happiness and decided to update for today as I consider my goals for 2016. The original title I'd written to was "The Myth of a Secret to Happiness."

If the secret to happiness was located in a treasure box, this is one box most people would probably love to find the key to unlock it and discover its contents. Throughout life many people are in pursuit to find everlasting happiness, some are able to achieve a level of happiness while others continue to desperately seek a semblance of it. Is there a such thing as true contentment? Is total happiness even attainable? Or is the level of content simply something that comes from within oneself?

While many things are unknown, one thing is for certain, there is no one fits all answer or secret to finding true happiness. If an individual looks into his or her inner self, this is the first and most important step in the journey to discovering true happiness.

Approaches and lessons I've experienced to help set the tone to keeping my energy positive include:

• Not letting negative people or situations maintain a "rent free" residence in my head. People cannot and do not have the power to change the behavior of others, so why let it consume you? Personally I've found once I've "let go", things suddenly seem so much easier, almost as if a huge burden has been lifted.

• Adversity can have a positive effect, it doesn't necessarily have to be a bad thing. Life has its challenges and puts roadblocks, sometimes big ones, on the route to achieving happiness, but these bumps in the road are often the hurdles needing to be crossed to lead a person to appreciate good times or learn something important.

• Satisfaction with inner self makes you happier than any material things possibly can. Does the definition of happiness equate to getting every single thing you could ever possibly want or need? Material things are tangible and can temporarily bring happiness, but they cannot truly fulfill an inner void. Those voids ultimately surface later on.

• Finding the ability to be comfortable in your own company and enjoying it is one of the important paths to take to happiness. A large part of achieving happiness is first learning how to like yourself.

• Living with the philosophy of being proactive and not reactive. This is a big one for me. Choosing words and actions carefully rather than rashly responding allows time to think. I've found focusing on the positive instead of the negative does amazing things to the psyche. Anger and resentment can turn out to be big roadblocks in the journey to happiness.

• Happiness comes from within, and then external factors perhaps enhance it. Finding peace with oneself and one's surroundings contributes to achieving happiness. It's OK to make mistakes, part of the happiness journey is learning from mistakes.

• Learn from the experience of others. I once made a friend, it was a brief friendship, we lost track years ago, but some words of wisdom he shared with me will stay with me forever. It changed my outlook on life. I doubt he even had a clue the positive energy he sent my way had such an impact. People often drift in and out of one another's lives never even knowing what effect they've had on someone else. 

Reaching happiness is no mythical secret, but I believe it can be reached through a series of self-reflection and positive energy. Disappointment, anger and regret have a tendency to consume an individual's persona and get in the way of happiness. However, we can push that stuff aside to reignite good feelings and move to a happier life.

Once you get there, share it with others. Happiness has a tendency to be contagious.
Happy New Year! Wishing all the best things for you in 2016.


Photo credit: Leigh Goessl/All rights reserved